Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
