this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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