I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
