we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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