she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
The beers last night were like the tears from god
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
