mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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