I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
