This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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