2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
