I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
