Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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