Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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