I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
