I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Randomize
