And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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