She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
