I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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