sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
