sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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