it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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