Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
