Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
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