Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
