So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I could fuck to npr.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
