Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
