Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
My vagina just clenched in fear
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
