I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Randomize
