Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
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