just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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