I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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