im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
