i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
