Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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