I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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