I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
