hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
