I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
