Swine flu. Run for my life!
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
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