i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
