I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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