some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize