i barfeds in our rink
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Randomize
