Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
