This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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