I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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