You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Randomize
