I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
