I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Randomize
