Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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