Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
