All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
