im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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