Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
