She's JV to your varsity
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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