So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
