my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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