btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
