C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
