Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
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