I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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