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Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
