You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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