I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I skipped work to stalk him.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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