I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
is wine microwaveable?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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