Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Come on in and take your pants off
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