Someone shit on the floor
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
